


NO L!!!!!!!!!!!

by tsalmaveth



Category: Death Note
Genre: Anger Sex, Angst!, M/M, Noelverse, This is NOT a crack fic, bathrub sex, not crack, this is serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 02:25:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9857834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsalmaveth/pseuds/tsalmaveth
Summary: near is A SAD (but not all the time don't worry he make happy sometmie) and lidner is ni this story too and lik ya it's good reac it lololo i'm soooo bad at summarys





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TzviaAriella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TzviaAriella/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Noel](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2953532) by [TzviaAriella](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TzviaAriella/pseuds/TzviaAriella). 



Near was alonely. (AN: if yuo do not kno who neer is he is nate river he is the one who is L after L dieded he has white hair and likes jamas. HE did that lot because he enjoyed not talking to ppl (AN: LOL same Nate!!!!!!)). But like, he usualyl didnt like talking to people but today he kind of is making sad that he isnt doing talking to people.

Usual, he is super samrt....but today..not as smart as usual. Because he had been working on the same case for like five weeks (thats more than amothn that s a long long long time!!) so he is sads about it becasue he had no resulst!! (that's what happen when you cant solve a case btw if you8 didn't know). 5 people died in their pajamas (AN: JUST LIKE the ones Near wears!! They're the sam eit's a clue~~ how spooky!!!) and Holly wreath on their brows (weird bc Near has none) and they also have white puzzle pieces between there hands (AN: cause Near likes to do white puzzles!!). Near is scares because he knows that the killer knows who he is becasue it;'s a taunt and whatever explaining it boring and he's mad so you get it right cause I'm gonna move ooooon.

SUDDE#NLY! a wild lidner appeers. She says "Near??" as she nyooms ove r to him, making near jump and startle and shit and he knocked over cards or watever and near is MAD AGAIN!!! UGH LIDNUR!!!!!!

"I TOLD YOU TO GO HOME!" he yells calmlally (Authors Note: he is NOT calm!!!!! omg!!)

Lidner goes "nah didn't want to thanks though"

"ugh fine whatever do what you want" Near angsts, flipping hsi hair and smugding his black eyeliner to make it look more emo.

"what's wrong?" lidner questions curiously "you're moping like a sad turtle and it worreis me cause you usually are a robot but now youre a sad robot. hm can turtles be robots??"

"I'm not a fucking robot"

"sorry.. jesus chrsit fine.... EMO robot then i guess...."

"thansk"

she rolled her eyes annoyedly and crosses her arms in a pout mood. Near was being mean sand it made herupests.

"this is just how I acts stop judging me and sht your hell mouth ok"

"But yiou're stimming a lot mroe"

"ya fucking fight me"

"no thnx. so i think yuour problem is you din;t think you can do L?"

Near b lushes real hard. "We tried once but--"

"OH MY JEEVAS!" yells lidner shockedly "I MEANT YOU DON'T THINK YOU CAN DO HIS JOB!!!!!!!! NOT HIS ASS!!!!!"

"Oh.." Near says awkwardly, even extra blushing. "well anyway i wasn't the one mowing his ass if you know what I mean.. but like it's your fault for bad wording ok?"

"I don't ever want to know about your secs life thanks though okay?"

"kay fine you stupid prude"

Near continues to make his dumb card tower thing. It's so high. Not like drugs or anyting (AN: Near does NOT DRUGS!! opmg you stupid perv!!). Lidner walks around to him in her sexay high heels and sits beside him to h elp with the card tower. it goes much faster w two ;););). but lidner's sexay legs werent as sexy as mellow's.mmmmmmmmm mello......near frownded. he forgot melo was dead. now he is a sad emo robot again.

near muses, "if we get light from the basement he can help us do this even faster!!"

"why is kira in the basement?" lidnur quizzicals says.

"I dunno. He wanted to be I guess? please lemon, don't quetion your boss." (AN: IF you don't' GET why lgit is in the basement, ur just to dumb and sorry but cant help u I gues.s...he like.near is L and stuff this and like Kite didn't die and isntead near kept him as a secs slave lolololol plot twist huh!! who wouldnt though Light is sooooooooo sexay especially in heels)

Near gets up and goes downstairs to get hsi slave. He totally coudla let kira yagami die at the end of the series but he didn't. obviously........ watching light bleed out was just soooo saddddddd and she couldn't brin himself to do it. near oepsnthe door to his cell t o see light in hot ho tsexy scrubs.

Light looks up from the bible he is reading (AN: light is SUPER RELIGUOUS CHRISTIAN shut up it is an au!!!!!) "Nate-chan, how are you???" (LOL near isn't a girl tho)

"Good,. Can you help me and lidner make a card tower?"

"Nah."

Near does his creepy ass smiel thing. "come on Kira-kun not like u r busy" 

"Not my fault you kind of keep me locked up in a bathrub." its true. Light Yagamis cell was a bathrub. But sadly... no water. Still a stinky murderer. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

"You could like drown or something"

"There's no water or i'd try tbh"

"Ya good point"

"You're reading the bible again. I never took you for the Christian type"

"HOW DARE U!!!" (AN: LIGHT IS SOOOOOOO ANGRY!! He doesn't like being mistaken for a fucking hell heathen!!!) "YOU KNOW I DEVOTE MY LIFE TO MY LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRISTIAN" (real christians call him jesus christian!!!) "would a fake jesus christian do THIS?"

And then light takes near in fiery passion!! he kisses him!! and licks his cheek!!!!! near is SO turned on like wow. Nothing like a hot homophobe doing homo things. And then they had secs. Right there in the bathrub.

The end :)


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